Monday, November 14, 2011
How many times do I need to say sorry?
Today, I received an email from an anonymous email account. The email is one sentence long, "I hope your HIV kills you for all the bad you have done, I could careless if your life has changed for the better."
My stomach dropped to the floor.
Are there people out there who really do not want to see me make a difference as I boldly open up my entire life (all the good and all the bad) as I share my story about how I have overcome many dark adversities and found the hope and strength to move beyond the time when I allowed my HIV to be the center of destroying everything around me; particularly destruction that was powered by uncontrollable substance abuse?
I admit, I did some pretty crappy things and would need more than all my fingers and toes to count the number of people that were really hurt by my actions because I gave up on life. I won't go into the war stories; nor do I choose to reflect on them as these memories are painful enough. I have taken the last many years of my life to rebuild my inner-hope and strength; and with that have done some amazing things while working with global organizations, government entities and much more. I have learned to forgive myself and I do just that each day by making the choice to live a life that is filled with a new-found love for who I am as a person today.
To this person who emailed me and who I guess I have hurt along my journey, "I am deeply sorry." While you may never forgive me and even go out of your way to try and beat me down, I won't let your words to allow me to take steps backwards. I am doing great things today. . .
I will make (am making) a difference in the world today. I will reclaim my place in this world with dignity and will try my best to fight the stigma associated with living with HIV / AIDS by continuing to reclaim my dream of becoming one of the world's greatest escape artists since the Houdini era and by continuing to speak out boldly to inspire and give hope to others.
I am proud of who I am today. That is what matters most. Am I alone? Can anyone else relate? I need some love and support on this.
I am Daniel and I am living pozitively. Thank you for following my blog.